What to do with your engagement ring, dress and accessories when you don’t get married?
That is the first question so many asked me when my fiancé broke up our engagement 3 weeks before our wedding. I remember my old sister in cry with me and asking me what would I do with the dress she and my brother-in-law offered me for this day that should have been the best of my life?
Well here is only my personal point of view but I thought maybe you girls would need some help in deciding what to do with the whole package when it’s obvious that there will be no wedding for now.
At least, it’s not 27 dresses (cf: the movie 🙂)
So here you are: no wedding anymore and you end up with this big long romantic and princessable wedding dress. And of course if like me, your wedding was cancelled a very few weeks before the big day and you are a very organized and on time person, you surely said yes to the dress and got it!
“The bride to be anymore and the dress”. If some people would see this event as a potential movie to play at the theater, you must definitely see it as a nightmare that you wish would never have happened. You and your dress facing each other… and you are in tears. Yes I know this because this is what happened to me. At the time, I moved back to my parents’ place and the house wasn’t big enough for us to store the dress in a basement my parents didn’t have. You got it….. the dress was hanging on my bedroom wall behind the door and I had to face each day the fact that I was not getting married.
But here is how my idea grew about this dress and you maybe can try to relate to it if you are as well in the midst of a broken engagement…: I decided to keep it.
Now, some people might wonder why. Why do I “flagellate” myself by keeping what today broke my heart the most?
Well you see, I had to deal with the time and the pain for a little while and didn’t really know what to do but somehow, my heart calmed down ad it trusted the Lord and from a dress that reminded me of the nightmare, it became a dress that reminded me of God’s goodness and promise. Certain people will tell you that God doesn’t promise marriage in the Bible however, it’s one of the main subject brought in light everywhere in the Old and New Testament. I will not dig deep into this subject right now (I’ll keep this occasion for my next topic) but surely I believe one thing: My God is good. The Word says it:
“The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.” | Psalm 145:9 |
“For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.” | Psalm 100:5 |
“For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in loving kindness to all who call upon You” | Psalm 86:5 |
“O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; For His loving kindness is everlasting.” | 1 Chronicles 16:34 |
And if God is good and accompanied me on this preparation during my engagement time, to the point of getting my wedding dress and entering into my calling of being a wife, I can’t believe that this is it and that I will never get married. God would never allow us to enter into the beginning of a promise if He doesn’t fulfill it. And I surely don’t believe God as being able to tell me:
“Oh honey. You got your dress but eh well…finally, you will never wear it because I won’t give you a husband. Ya, just keep it on the wall”. I mean can you imagine God being so “half doing”?
The answer is no.
So girls, if you too are going through a break up and you have a dress hanging on the wall, cheer up; it’s the promise that you will get married one day.
The clock strikes 12
I don’t really like to relate life to Disney movies because of the wrong idea we can get about love, but I admit that my feeling about my accessories was pretty much like the story of Cinderella. It really feels like all my accessories were shining in the light of the good fairy’s magic wand when I was preparing our wedding. All these accessories; the earrings, the veil, the hair clips and the shoes… all of them looked like accompanist of the dress, of the promise of a lovely marriage. All of them where brand new and glittering like Cinderella’s ornaments.
The problem is that when my fiancé broke up,I felt like I didn’t see the clock striking 12 on time. And suddenly, everything transformed into old broken relics, wasted by the dust and the pain.
But there is hope dear friends! There’s a shoe that stayed intact. This is the shoe of hope girls.
You see, again, as the dress’ story today, I can’t see my accessories in another way than bringing hope to me. It’s part of the story, it’s part of the promise God has for you too. You got the dress and you got all the accessories with it. You are ready for this day when God will bring your husband to you. Why would He not? Refer to what I said about the dress. God is good and answers the heart’s desire and it’s our responsibility to trust Him no matter what and how people think around us.
Yes, God doesn’t literally promise marriage in His Word. But God also call Himself good and says that we are His children. What kind of Father would He be if He leaves us broken and empty with our dress and accessories on our hands?!
I do believe in a loving Dad and amazing God that can surprise us beyond expectation but we need to stay still and trust in Him by faith to fulfill our desires and to do it well.
The ring; a broken promise?
I found out that the most difficult part of my brokenness lied in my engagement ring. Why? Because I had it on my finger for many months and it started to feel part of my own body. You see, the dress and accessories were waiting for the wedding day to be used. But the engagement ring is another story. It was here and accompanied me everywhere, from the choosing of the dress to the making of the wedding invitations.
After my fiancé broke up, I couldn’t get rid of the ring and I admit I kept it on my finger almost 8 more months. When I finally decided to take it off, I placed it in its box and it stayed for about a year there.
Now, certain person will feel comfortable selling it and it is totally fine. But for me, as it was such a sentimental memory, I could somehow not imagine someone else wearing it.
So, I asked God what to do with it and it’s in the wisdom of my sister that I found the answer. She told me about this idea people had lately to transform their old jewelries into something they wanted it to look like.
At this moment, she used “the” word that changed my day: “transform”.
Isn’t what happened to me this past year? Didn’t the broken relationship transform my heart and relationship with God after all? And couldn’t I see this ring as a promise from God instead of the curse of a broken engagement?
Here was the answer. Here was what I would do with the ring. And as I had also my ex fiancé wedding band, I decided to melt it and transform my engagement ring into my “transformation ring”.
Perhaps you are at the same stage I was at. Perhaps you wonder what to do with this special sentimental ring and you don’t feel like selling it, but either like wearing it anymore. Here is maybe the solution for you too. You will have to pay fees for the work the jeweler will do but as you bring the materials already, only the work time will be charged to you what was obviously a good compromise for me.
Today, I wear this ring proudly as the demonstration of one year of brokenness, but one year of inside and out transformation. And by the grace of God, I am able today to see it as the promise of something better coming my way.
Don’t ever lose hope. Because whatever people think, there is more. God knows your heart and desires and He is the one you need to trust in. Don’t be bothered by the world and their useless talk. Be bothered in following Christ and making of Him your delight. And He will take care of the rest.