UNDERWATER… JESUS STILL TAKES CARE OF US
I didn’t write any article the past weeks and I realize that it has been a month! Not that I have been in vacation (I will actually be for the whole month of August). But my heart has been so much underwater that it was for me barely impossible to produce anything good lately.
Underwater… One of my friend is fighting health issues right now and that’s how she described how she felt the past days. She felt literally like she couldn’t hear anymore and I assume that even breathing has been a big effort for her. She is fighting the fight of physical health; I am fighting the fight of a broken heart.
As she described her pain to me and this underwater feeling, I could completely relate to her as I felt the exact same way. You wonder probably what happened to me the past weeks. Well here is a short resume of what I had to deal with:
- June 29th has been the anniversary of my fiancé breaking up with me in 2016 (reminder: we were about to get married 3 weeks later).
- The whole month of July brought me back to a place I never wanted to get back and never thought I would: my emotional memories remembered me all the suffering I had to deal with, a year ago.
- July 22nd to August 2nd, my ex fiancé has been in town for the annual baseball tournament and the reconciliation between us I have been waiting for is actually a total failure, leaving me even more rejected than before.
- July 23rd, I have had to deal with my ex fiancé being around in church, on our “non” one year anniversary (as we were supposed to get married on July 23rd, 2016)
- July 29th and 30th, I have attended to the annual baseball tournament and had to deal with being around my ex fiancé and with my memories of the way we met 2 years ago… same baseball field, same team, total different friendship situation. Why using the word friendship when there is obviously none anymore?
So yes girls, life on earth is definitely not easy. And my heart has felt like sinking. It was trying to get some air but it constantly felt underwater.
Not that I haven’t been praying or crying to Jesus; I have done it every single day. Not that I don’t trust Jesus anymore for my future; I do at every second everyday, remembering that He knows the plans He has for me and they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).
If I am telling you all this, it is just to show you that as all of you are, I am as well vulnerable. I have been waiting as well for support from people around me and have found myself disappointed in the midst of turmoil. I have been expecting friendship and reconciliation with my ex fiancé and nothing happened this way at all. Was it God’s plan? Is it fully my ex fiancé’s plan, knowing that we all have free will? I can’t really tell. But as I moved on the past days, what I am able to tell you is that in all of these questions, in this roller coaster of emotions and tears and wondering, Jesus has been with me. He never left me even one second.
And though some days He has been really silent, it is important to trust by faith that He was still working on my situation in this dead air!
When I felt rejected and abandoned the past week, here is what Jesus told me:
Psalm 94:14 “For the Lord will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.”
I clearly heard Him telling me “Honey, I know this feeling. My disciples have abandoned me. The people have rejected me and I felt lonely on the cross. I can handle this feeling with you, because I know what and how you feel”.
When I felt helpless in my pain, while watching my ex fiancé surrounded by everybody, I also felt totally left aside. But Jesus told me clearly that we can’t control people or their action and in order to set my heart free, I had to let it go.
When I saw my ex fiancé, I saw his reactions, his lack of responsibility, his lack of love toward someone he calls today a « sister in Christ and friend », I was angry. I was shocked and felt mistreated. But Jesus reminded me those verses:
Romans 12:9-10 “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them […] Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other”.
Romans 12:12 “Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying”
Romans 12:14 “Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them”
Romans 12:18-21 “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”
For each emotion that my heart wanted to let overflow, Jesus had an answer.
Yes, I felt underwater. But even in the deep of what was for me an ocean of tears and darkness, I saw His hand grabbing mine and pulling me out.
Do I feel better now? Well, honestly, I still deal with pain and my heart is still in the process of healing. But I take by faith that if God didn’t allow us to be fully restored together, He is planning much better for me. As I am pressing on, I encourage you girls to press on, wherever you are.
We serve the God of the universe. We serve the God of love and goodness. And if we doubt that He only is able to give our heart’s desire and to fulfill our deepest dreams, who will ever be able to do it?
So girls, I’ll finish this article by this great quote that empowered me the past days and I hope it will strengthen you as well. Saint Augustine said “Faith is to believe what you do not see yet; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”
Our eyes don’t see, but our heart takes by faith. And girls, this faith honors God and God will honor our faith in Him.
Remember that you are precious, you are priceless, you are loved!
Take courage, There Is More at the corner.
There Is More Co.™