How to still trust in love when you have been abandoned – 3 tips
BROKENNESS 1 – KATHLEEN 0
I was 16 when I met my first boyfriend. I was young, shy, never intended to date someone so young. At the time I was religious and thought I knew God when obviously, I didn’t know anything of Him. Not because He never revealed Himself to me but because I never learned to hear His voice or simply tried.
This relationship with this boyfriend was far from being godly. I think I always dreamed about a godly relationship but just couldn’t figure out why it seemed so hard. How ridiculous I was now that I think of it because my boyfriend was not even following Christ. And I honestly had the desire to marry a man having the same vision than mine. So why? Why did I ever accept to date him? Today I’d say that I was desperately looking for love…
This boyfriend broke up with me 4 years later for another woman.
BROKENNESS 2 – KATHLEEN 0
I was 24 when I met my second boyfriend in Canada. I just moved there for one year of Christian service. I was broken, less shy and such a control freak because control was my security. This young man fell in love with me, pursued me and though I had no interest in him at first, I rapidly decided to date him because of the persistent interest he had in me. And again, this relationship with this boyfriend was far from godly. I know today that I was desperately trying to be loved through what I could offer instead of for what I was.
This relationship ended in disaster. After a proposal from him and a “yes “ from me, I ended up abandoned and rejected 5 months before the wedding because (and I quote him) “he thought he loved me but realized that he didn’t”.
It was a nightmare. And it has added more brokenness that bruised my heart more and more.
How could I be so less lovable? How could he not fight for me?…
Those questions haunted me as I was trying to move on in life and forget (or avoid…) my pain.
BROKENNESS 3 – KATHLEEN 0
It was in 2015 that I met my third boyfriend. I wasn’t that young anymore; 29 years old and filled with scars on my heart as numerous as the sand on the sea shore. I was broken but desperately trusted the Lord. I had still to deal with many issues but just couldn’t figure out how. This lovely man and I rapidly fell in love as we connected so well. Engagement followed 6 months after our encounter and the wedding was planned for July 2016. He was Christian, It was a godly relationship and though it was hard someday, we made it clear that we wanted to preserve each other pure for our marriage.
3 weeks before the big day, my fiancé broke up and cancelled the wedding. The reason I kinda received? Well it seems that we had a few fights that brought him to the conclusion that I wasn’t worth enough fighting for.
June 29th, 2016 is definitely marked as the worse day of my life. Nothingness and darkness are all what I could see at this time. I was empty. I was lonely. I was in tears.
But let me tell you something dear friend; it is when we are in the pit of despair, in the worse situation and about to give up that we realize very often that the only solution we have is Jesus . The one that was in front of my eyes and stretching out his hand the whole time; I avoided Him. Jesus has been with me all my life and trying to show me his love and I couldn’t understand…
And in the midst of suffering, this past year, I gave everything up to Him. I was so dry and I remember telling Him “God, I won’t run away this time. I need you. Please just take my brokenness and heal me”.
You see, brokenness is like the plague. When it touches your heart, it spreads everywhere and makes you feel like you can do nothing against it. It is how satan operates. He wants you to believe that you are worth nothing and not only you believe it but that everybody around you think that of you.
Satan is here to steal your confidence and peace and smash them like vulgar pees.
The Word says that he is here “to steal, kill and destroy” | John 10:10 | and this is surely what he intends to do with you today as he tried with me the past 10 years.
BROKENNESS 0 – KATHLEEN 1000
But praise be to God, there is a solution and here are 3 tips for you to press on and help you continue to trust in love, doesn’t matter the amount of time you have been rejected and abandoned:
First, abide in the Word. And observe Jesus’ story and His life toward abandonment.
Staying connected with Jesus is so important for you to not forget the truth about love. So often after a broken relationship, disappointment or trauma, we end up so dry up and empty that even opening the bible seems to be a hard work to do. But the lack of motivation to read the Word and to draw in it can have a terrible effect on your life. Less you’ll spend time with the One, less you’ll be able to understand His truth and aware of satan’s lies in your life. Jesus says in John 15:4-11
This verse is clear and explains the consequences of not abiding in Jesus. First you will not be able to do his Will if you don’t know, through His Word, what He wants you to do. But also, not abiding in Him will bring you far from His joy. Read again the verse 11; abiding in Christ brings us the fulfillment of a joy that doesn’t depend on others but Him. Doesn’t mean that it will take away your desire of being married or having your own family (it didn’t with me) but while waiting patiently for God to connect you with your future husband, it will fill your heart with satisfaction, joy and peace.
Secondly, proclaim words of life from your mouth and not words of death.
The Bible talks a lot about proclaiming. And though it doesn’t say clearly “proclaim words of life instead words of death or it’s gonna be kinda harsh in your old days” well, it is obvious that we need to proclaim what God says we are in order to shut the devil’s mouth. I have memorized 2 verses that helped me to recognize the importance of proclaiming God’s truth:
In His Word, God calls us child and hair. Here is a list of what God says we are:
- I am a child of God. | John 1:12 |
- I am a friend of Jesus. | John 15:15 |
- I have been justified and redeemed. | Romans 3:24 |
- My old self was crucified with Christ, and I am no longer a slave to sin. | Romans 6:6 |
- I will not be condemned by God. | Romans 8:1|
- I have been set free from the law of sin and death. | Romans 8:2 |
- As a child of God, I am a fellow heir with Christ. | Romans 8:17 |
- I have been accepted by Christ. | Romans 15:7 |
- I have been called to be a saint. | Corinthians 1:2 |
- In Christ Jesus, I have wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. | 1 Corinthians 1:30 |
- God leads me in the triumph and knowledge of Christ. | 2 Corinthians 2:14 |
- The hardening of my mind has been removed in Christ. | 2 Corinthians 3:14 |
- I am a new creature in Christ. | 2 Corinthians 5:17 |
- I have become the righteousness of God in Christ. | 2 Corinthians 5:21 |
- I have been made one with all who are in Christ Jesus. | Galatians 3:28 |
- I am no longer a slave, but a child and an heir. | Galatians 4:7 |
- I have been set free in Christ. | Galatians 5:1 |
- I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. | Ephesians 1:3 |
- I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God. | Ephesians 1:4 |
- I am redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Christ. | Ephesians 1:7 |
- I have been predestined by God to obtain an inheritance. | Ephesians 1:11 |
- I have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. | Ephesians 1:13 |
- I am seated in the heavenly places with Christ. | Ephesians 2:6 |
- I have been brought near to God by the blood of Christ. | Ephesians 2:13 |
- I am a member of Christ’s body and a partaker of His promise. | Ephesians 3:6 |
- My new self is righteous and holy. | Ephesians 4:24 |
- I am a citizen of heaven. | Philippians 3:20 |
- The peace of God guards my heart and mind. | Philippians 4:7 |
- God supplies all my needs. | Philippians 4:19 |
- I have been made complete in Christ. | Colossians 2:10 |
- I have been chosen of God, and I am holy and beloved. | Colossians 3:12 |
- God loves me and has chosen me. | 1 Thessalonians 1:4 |
Beside what He says we are, it is so important to proclaim verses like Jeremiah 29:11 or Galatians 6:9.
Because verses like those clearly say that God IS GOOD with us and that we WILL RECEIVE his blessings. I realized that more I proclaimed His Word and more I believed in what was coming out of my mouth. And the opposite works as well dear friends; keep proclaiming that you are useless and will never find your husband and it is probably what will happen to you somehow…
Third and last advise, activate your faith.
Girls, you need to know that faith honors God and God honors faith. Psalm 37:4 says “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires”. And again, don’t doubt this verse; don’t try to read in between the lines when there are no lines! If God says it, just take it by faith!! God is pleased in seeing His children simply trusting His Word.
Did you ever doubt your parents when you were 3 years old? Of course not!! I mean can you only imagine a kid telling his parents “mom, dad. You told me that dinner is ready in 5 minutes and you made my favorite dish because it’s my birthday. Well, are you really going to feed me? Can I trust you on this? Maybe I just should accept the fact that I’ll be deprived of food because I pooped in my diaper an hour ago” COME ON GIRLS!! Parents would never ever do this to their baby child. So why do we constantly doubt God when His blessings for us are worth a thousand time our parents’ actions!
God wants you to activate your faith in order to receive. How long? For what? Well as long as you live and for whatever in life!
God wants you to trust Him for this job you applied for; or for this cold that you want to see disappear before your trip with your friends; or for this husband you are soooo waiting for. God wants us to trust in His power. And when we do so, He delights in it and answers our heart’s desire.
This is simple: simply trust. Activate your faith. That’s it.