TIPS IN YOUR TRIAL

Hey girls,

With some delay, I finally got the time to tell you more about the different tips you can use to escape depression in your trial.

Let’s be honest ; when we pass through such a storm like being abandoned by our loved one, and in my case, 3 weeks before tying the knot, we don’t really feel like enjoying life anymore and days in tears can be easily transformed into days of isolation, and to the point of very wrong decisions made for our future like quitting our job, entering in a fast new relationship to escape loneliness or running away from the only One able to save us a.k.a Jesus Christ.

So the first clear advise I can give you above all else is to press on in your faith and in your relationship with Jesus.

We tend very often to find a culpable to our situation. Someone who was « supposed » to protect us and instead did let things happen.

The real story unfortunately is that Jesus doesn’t control people’s reactions and decisions. His Holy Spirit can guide us only if we let Him do. And in my situation for example, I can not say that my ex fiancé listened to the Spirit or not but of course I can tell you that there is a way to proceed things and the way he ended up our relationship wasn’t surely the best one. However and again, Jesus guides us but he doesn’t control us. So remember, He is for you, He is not against you.

Now that you understand this fact and feel like « Alright, not running away from Jesus is one thing. But what’s next? »

Next advise is to try to avoid medication. I would say if it’s needed, go for small dose on a short period of time and prescribed by a doctor. I personally got some medicine to calm me down and especially at night. It is not a shame or the start of an addiction. It’s only here to help at the beginning. But make sure that it won’t go on for months. The idea is that it’s here to help but it’s not here to replace responsibilities and to become a way of life.

You also will have to learn again some basic duties like going out of your bed, brushing your teeth, eating…all those will look like workouts trust me because your brain and mind and body are not in condition to do anything. But push yourself. And in order to do it, my  habit in the morning was to start my day in prayer in my bed and in between 2 rivers of tears, I was projecting myself in a fantastic world where I imagined I had a big computer screen in front of me (the type you can see in fantastic movies) and I could pick 3 positive words/phrases or feelings that would define my day. I imagined myself wearing them literally like Paul tells us to wear the armor of God. I usually chose words like « super hug hero », « miss american smile » or « joyful eater ». I persuaded myself that I was this super hero and my mission’s day was to accomplish the duties of hugging, smiling in an american way (yes yes, the american smile with all their teeth and big open mouth you know ^^) or ‘eating’ some treats that looked joyful in my eyes like a good movie, an ice cream, vitamine D under the sun (remember, my fiancé broke up in the summer so at least I had the backyard^^).

Another advise is to take care of your body and to push yourself to eat properly. I know it can seem REALLY difficult to do this when you wonder even how you are going to wake up and get out of your bed…But you need to press on in this idea. Food like fruit and fish and veggies are really important for your body to function. Eating chips and chocolate while watching TV is kind of helpful at the moment but will not help in the coming weeks and months because your body is already so weak and in shock that it will need nutriments and vitamines that you surely won’t find in candies.

You have to exercice as well because again, the nights you are spending with eyes while open and with your brain that remembers the brake up don’t help your body to rest. Exercising somehow pushes you to a state of tiredness and might help indeed to sleep a little better. Plus, it helps you staying in good shape.

Eating and exercising work together and remember, this time of agony will stop someday and when it will, you will want an healthy body.

Another advise is to escape all the plateforme where you can have news and information about your ex fiancé / boyfriend / husband. And I know it’s hard… For me, watching the Facebook page of my ex fiancé made me feel like we were still connected. He did cut off with me for no reason and deprived me from his presence so subitely that my whole being froze in the state of « we live on 2 different continents and I have no news from him now because he is in vacation ». No kidding, my brain couldn’t figure out that we were indeed separated and thought that the lack of news was because he wasn’t reachable on his phone or something like that. So when it came to the point of understanding that we-were-not-together-anymore, I decided to delete my Facebook and Instagram account (or do it at least temporarily for the time of healing process) to make sure that I wouldn’t be tempted to watch his Facebook account constantly. I encourage you to really place yourself in a safe mode by escaping places where you can cross his way and push yourself not to ask any questions about him to people ; it only leads to more pain.

My last and biggest advise is to always look for someone and something to help you moving on. To be clearer, never stop reading the Word or going to churchfind a great friend to listen to you when you need to talk (it’s really therapeutic) and if you have the chance to be helped by christian therapists, don’t hesitate a minute!

I pushed myself to read the Word even when it sounded unreal and incompréhensible. I pushed myself to call my best friend when I needed to talk and I found in Nelly the perfect helper; she could listen to me for hours (and the same story all over again!) and never being tired of helping. And since the past December, I am following a therapy that helped me discovering truths about myself but also lies that I never realized before and had to get rid of.

This trial changed me forever. And I think that what God expects from us is to plainly trust Him as the only One able to bring us out of despair. He wants you girls to embrace your pain, release it to Him and use this trial as a way to glorify Him.

So find the purpose of your storm and trust God. The pain remains for the night but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Your trial will end and you will discover the beauty brought from ashes.

 

Kath Leen

There Is More Co.™

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