« It’s not always the tears that measure the pain. Sometimes it’s the smile we fake. People think I’m lying about being hurt because they see me laughing. But actually, I laugh to keep myself from crying  » – Anonymous

Isn’t this phrase familiar to you ? Isn’t what we all feel like, when we have to go through a difficult time ?

I personally can’t or never could act differently. I always have been in control, you know… this type of personality that people have when they can do everything by themselves and never require the help of anyone. I used to be like this and I am still working on this to be honest to you and to myself.

So, as a controlling personality I very often don’t want to show my suffering, I need to remain « in control ». And why showing my pain after all ? So that people can have pity on me I thought. What’s the point ? Usually people embrace us and stay with us the amount of time they can handle it and then life goes on and they themselves go on, while we are still broken and trying to head ourselves at the surface of the water.

And because life usually works this way, the only solution we find is to minimize the pain. We pretend to ourselves and to people that we are doing better: we « cRyLe » (dictionary free for this word ;))… We smile on the outside while crying in the inside.

We [fake] smile.

And this-is-a-mask.

Let’s face the problem for a minute. Can we obviously think that we can give a limit time to suffering ? On my side, since July 2016, I suffer from a break up as my fiancé cancelled the wedding 3 weeks before the big day and I am here now, in the midst of this storm without even knowing where I am going…

Maybe you are suffering from a breaking up, or cancer, or a loss, or even depression that comes from nowhere. And what limit time do you give to all this to stop suffering ? How can we measure the amount of days, weeks, years that we will be in pain ?

No one can. We trust in God for sure, but it doesn’t mean suffering and pain go away when we snap our fingers! Everybody expects us to get better faster and sooner but folks, let me remind you something : if you are mourning right now, you need to give time to the time to mourn and then heal in the propre way. You can’t accelerate your healing process because EVERYBODY is different and EVERY STORY is different. Some people take a few weeks, some take a few months. And the issue here is that as people expect us to get better faster, somehow we feel pressured and the only solution we find is to wear a mask.

How many of you will tell me they don’t know the « smiling mask », the « busy workaholic mask », the « I don’t mind-detached mask »…


« Here I go, faking smile again. »

For the past months, emotionally I was done. Mentally, I was drained. Spiritually, I was crying out to God and physically….I was smiling.

Behind every mask there is a face, and behind that a story. My story is one of a broken heart who tried for many weeks to fight by itself. Until I understood that the only One who could help me getting out of here was Jesus Christ.

If you don’t know yet, I have always loved Jesus and grew with Him ; however there is still a lot of things that I couldn’t understand. But finding myself in this suffering, in a pain that I can’t even describe has helped me somehow to connect more with Jesus. Why ? Because when you are so brokenhearted and breathing seems like someone stabs you each time the air penetrate your lungs, you feel like you are alone and no one understands you. And at this very moment, you deeply know that the only One who really can understand [your] suffering is the One who suffered so much for you, the One who knows very well what is physical pain, mental pain, suffering for being abandoned and rejected, suffering to be alone and mistreated. This only One is Jesus, Son of God.

I never felt so secure than when I am in His presence, telling Him how broken I am and powerless. And because His word is the truth, we know that we confidently can trust in what He tells us when He says :

Deuteronomy 31 :8

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Jeremiah 29 :11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for good and not for disaster, plans to give you hope and a future.

Psalm 34 :17-18

The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Dear reader, Jesus Christ is the only One we don’t need to wear a mask with. He already knows our heart and pain. Let’s be true to ourselves and true to Him. Let’s let Him embrace us, give us a huge hug and tell us how much He loves us.

And when we will be ready, let’s get rid of the mask we put with people around us. Someday and because God is healing us, we will be able to smile because our heart smiles and to be in peace because without knowing where we go, we still let God take our hand and guide us as He says « I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you » (Psalm 32 :8)


Kath Leen

There Is More Co.™

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