« Sweetie, you live so far from us. Just come home… »

How many time did you hear this comment ? Probably from a parent; your dad or mom or maybe siblings or even your grand-parents.

How do you feel about it?

Well, when I started this blog, I told you from the beginning that I would be transparent and true. And this is all what it is about here. Here, I don’t ask you to wear a mask or to pretend to be someone else. Here you can be yourself and you are more than welcome. And it is here as well that you will find “me”; a vulnerable girlhealing from brokenness and trying to find a sense to my trials and to those “rests” in the music of my life.

If I share all of this with you today it’s because we live in a world that constantly tries to put us in a box. And unfortunately, even our close relatives do this sometime. Now, you will have to know a little more about my childhood in order to understand the following contents.

I am born before the due date and as my mom was pregnant with me, she became sick and the sickness rapidly attacked me in her womb. She got the listeriosis, a sickness that we can get through food that hasn’t been well pasteurized. At 8 months, she started to have contractions and as it was obvious for her that it wasn’t the right time, she felt concerned and called the doctor just in case. I am glad she did. The doctor sent her straight to the hospital and provoked the childbirth for me to come out. When I pointed my little face, what was supposed to be a rejoicing day has been a nightmare for my parents as I was clinically “dead”. The listeriosis attacked the placenta then me and when I came out, I wasn’t breathing anymore for a few minutes already. The nurses and the doctor rescued me but for 3 years they were following my case, thinking I will have brain damages for sure. By God’s grace, I am in perfect health and never got any late sickness, related to it.

But this terrible situation brought fear to my parents. And as I grew up I can tell you that my parents loved me for sure, even a little bit too much 🙂

The fear of losing me created in them (and especially for my mom) a constant anxiety that as a kid, I assume I was totally absorbing like a sponge. This anxiety was very pronounced especially when I was leaving away in some vacation trips or else.

However, this didn’t stop me to be curious about the world and to want to slowly discover it. The first vacation out of the country was with my parents in 2004 when we traveled to Egypt. This amazing trip opened my eyes on the reality of different cultures. Then came my first real trip alone for 2 weeks on the west coast of the United States of America. This trip confirmed the love I had for this country since I was a little girl. It’s also at this time that I understood more about myself and realized that in my heart there was more than just the love for travel but there was actually a deeper calling:

It was about being free and becoming me.

I kept this feeling for a long time in my heart until the very day, when I decided that I wanted to leave my home country to get to Canada for a year, in order to work with kids in a Christian organization. This was in 2010.

This decision has been the hardest of my life, but also the best one.

It hasn’t been an easy time because I had to face an old and forgotten but real feeling: the feeling of my parents based on their fear of letting me go and my feeling, thinking I would abandon my family if I go away, when I really wanted to go away and discover the world…

Dear followers, did you find yourself in this situation, when you try to please people but you would like to live for yourself so much as well?

Did you never feel like stuck in a situation where you seem to be the” bad guy” when actually you only tender to become full and complete and the “YOU” God wants you to be?

Well, if you raised you hand just now, I follow you, I am right here with you!

You see, this constant battle was ravaging me from the inside. I didn’t want my parents and family to be sad or to feel abandoned but I also wanted to live for me and to do what God called me to do.

Many times, my family used this expression “come home” and many times, I wondered deep inside me “but where is home?”

What someone calls “home”, might not be home for you at all.

Folks, “home” isn’t a house or a city or an area where you are forced to be because it seems that it makes everybody happy, everybody but you. Home is wherever God calls you to be, at a certain moment of your life and people’s opinion or their self-desires shouldn’t interfere with what God has for you in storage.

Does that mean that you don’t love your parents or your siblings or in my case, my nieces? Nope. Not at all. I love my whole family to the moon and this will never change. But I recently understood that LIFE is about finding ourselves in order to be used for the purpose God placed us here on earth. And this should be THE ultimate goal for each one of us. Yes, it might not be what your relatives planned for you but my final word on this is that the only one who has a word to say, guided by the Holy Spirit….is YOU.

Hebrews 13:14

For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.

Focus on God’s calling for you. This is where you’ll find “home”.

Kath Leen

There Is More Co.™

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